Anxiety & Entrepreneurship – Megan Noll Photography

I’m fully aware that anxiety isn’t something sexy to talk about, but I have really been feeling like I need to talk about it. I don’t mean talking about it in a way to express myself, but rather to let others know that it’s okay and that you aren’t alone.

I had my first panic attack when I was 16. It started like a cough and progressed to where I didn’t feel like I had control of my breathing. Many people who have seen it assume it’s an asthma attack – which I usually don’t correct because I’m afraid of being labeled “crazy”.

Many, many attacks later, I’ve come to realize that I have specific triggers – from certain foods, to different trains of thought, and have generally learned what stimuli to avoid.

Sometimes, it doesn’t have an explanation though. Sometimes, it feels like an elephant is sitting square on my chest, and I have no idea why. Sometimes, it feels like an invisible person has a strong grip around my throat and breathing becomes a strain.

That is what I thought anxiety was. Because I’d felt this extreme end of the spectrum, I ignored the other ways that anxiety had creeped into my life. I would keep myself up at night, playing through conversations of the day and worrying if the things I said could be taken out of context or misinterpreted. I would worry myself sick about the health and well-being of my friends and family. I would be fearful that every rustle I heard outside was someone breaking into our house.

I had no idea how unhealthy this was, because it was my baseline. I thought this was just me or that everyone felt like this.

Since having Emmy, some of those fears intensified. I can remember a specific time, shortly after bringing her home from the hospital, when Brian asked me what I wanted to eat for lunch. I stood, quietly staring, tears welling in my eyes. When he asked me what was wrong, I burst into tears, explaining how terrified I was to eat anything because I was afraid of ingesting a pesticide or GMO, or any other thing that was unhealthy because I didn’t want to do anything to hurt the baby.

That was a wake up call for me.

When I went in for my six week appointment, I talked to my doctor. She said this postpartum anxiety was totally normal, and prescribed me a really low dose of an anti anxiety medicine. Since I have started that, I feel this whole new sense of self. It has, thankfully, reset that fearful baseline to a much more healthy norm.

This is something I wrote a while ago, but I haven’t had the guts to post it. Ironically, I am getting anxious thinking posting it, but I think it is important. Statistically, creatives are more likely to struggle with these things. Statistically, entrepreneurs are more likely to struggle as well. As a creative entrepreneur, your odds of struggling with anxiety, depression, or some mental health concern is more likely than not. It’s important for us to be in community and know that we aren’t alone. Asking for help doesn’t mean you are crazy, it means you want to better yourself.