Authenticity, Girl Power, and Photography

Photographer. Not “Photoshopper”

The first concert I ever saw was The Spice Girls. I was seven, and I was obsessed. ‘Girl Power’ was a message I could get behind, and I guess to a certain extent, I’ve never grown out of that.

Yet, when I am at the end of the grocery aisle, staring at a barely dressed actress on a magazine cover, showing off her flawless post-baby bod, I catch myself glancing down at my less-than-flat tummy, and feel inferior. They are perfect after carrying a human inside of them, and here I am, trying to resist buying a chocolate bar at check out.

But here is the problem – that girl on the cover has had the help of a personal trainer, nutritionist, and Photoshop on her side…

… and even though I know that, it doesn’t change how I feel.

I can think of a picture of myself when I was 11 or so. I was swimming at my grandmother’s pool, wearing a little bikini. My mom snapped a picture of me just as I was jumping into the pool. When she got the film developed, I remember cringing at the picture. “MOM! Throw that away!” When she asked why, I told her that I couldn’t believe how fat I looked, and that I was embarrassed. I recently found that picture, and wanted to laugh and cry all at once. There was no fat on my body.

Time and time again, some of my favorite pictures from a session end up being a genuine laugh that I capture. Those pictures, often times, end up being the favorite of everyone but the person in the picture. The subject see’s their squinted eyes, their open mouth, and write it off as unappealing. In that same picture, friends and family see their loved one and genuine happiness on their face. They can hear the belly laugh that they have come to expect from them, and make candid guesses at what got them giggling. It brings joy to them. (Like the picture above – Christen saw it and said “Haha! Way to go! You caught me in a real life, big, open mouth laugh! Even though I think it’s embarrassing, [My Husband] says he loves it when I laugh like this!”)

My point is that our perspective of ourselves isn’t without bias, and we need to keep that in mind.

As a photographer, I take a lot of pride in editing with integrity. I take pride in making women feel and look their best without the falsehoods of altering reality. I didn’t come to this decision lightly.

I have used Photoshop on pictures of myself in the past. Looking at those pictures now, I don’t see the emotion of the moment; I don’t remember how I felt. I see the digital nips and tucks I made to ease my self-consciousness, and wonder what the original picture looked like. Would I kick myself for thinking I was fat, when I was 20 pounds lighter than I am now? If I was fat then, what am I now?

If you are sitting there thinking “Oh my gosh! What if I wake up on the morning of my wedding with a huge zit! You aren’t going to edit it?!” Don’t worry. A zit is not part of who you are – that’s just bad luck, so I don’t feel convicted about removing a zit or something equally insignificant.

I want to make it my goal as a photographer to make you look and feel your best; better, more authentic, than some Photoshop edit could make you feel. Could I Photoshop wrinkles from your eyes, or a few pounds off your belly? Definitely, but I’m not going to. I’m not going to because I want to capture this time in your life. Truly. Not through the lens of what society has told you that your imperfections are. I want to capture you, authentically, for your legacy; for your children to remember what it felt like to hug around your waist, and how comforting it was to them. I won’t Photoshop you for the sake of your self-esteem, and for the sake of documenting your life. I won’t do it because I don’t want to rob you of the moment that the image preserved forever for you. I won’t do it because of the unrealistic standard it sets for women everywhere. I won’t do it because of girl power.